I'd like to post a picture with this post. Really, I would. I'd like to show you a new project or painting or something. Even a doodle. But, this morning I decided to release myself from guilt! I've been trying for months to get some artwork done. I set up babysitting hours. I cleaned up my studio. I got new supplies. But, have I made anything? Nope. So, now not only am I not doing artwork, I'm also not hanging out with my kids (I mean, aside from the 1000 hours a week that I don't have a sitter). Finally, this morning, it dawned on me. I'm not ready. I'm just not ready. I'm a stay-at-home mom. For that, I am ready. But, that PLUS artwork/projects/etc? Nope. Not ready. And, that is okay.
I think that somehow I needed to think I could do other stuff in order to feel okay about being at home. But, really, I am happy to be at home with my kids. And, there will be lots of time for me to do artwork, or other work, later. When they are older. Right now, with Theo at 3 and Eli at 15 months, I am happy and lucky to be able to stay home. So, instead of feeling guilty everyday for not doing more, I am going to try to feel like a day full of meals and snacks and naps and parks and walks and diapers and laundry and cleaning and music and books is enough. And, when I do have a sitter, I am going to feel okay about exercising or paying bills or getting a cup of hot chocolate or going to the movies by myself.
Yes I will.
And, if I want to paint or draw or even doodle, that's just a bonus.
I love this! Every time I find myself thinking that I haven't been able to get anything done in the past few years, I tell myself, "Hel-LO! You've made PEOPLE. You can't get much more productive than that!"
Say NO to guilt and YES to hot chocolate!!!
Posted by: Maiz | 10/14/2009 at 12:31 PM
Thanks, Maiz. That is an excellent point!
Posted by: Julia | 10/15/2009 at 08:10 PM
Good for you!
Posted by: Oma | 10/18/2009 at 08:17 AM
I think 'they' call this: coming to terms.
Posted by: Amy | 10/21/2009 at 03:02 AM
Hi Julia Ann! I loved reading your 'Yes I Will'. You are indeed very very lucky to be able to be enjoying your mommying and most fortunate to be able to give yourself the awareness and peace in trusting this! ps. I love love love the Turtle costume I see here! I'll be home Dec 24- Jan 2. Let's make sure we see each other. xox Marin
Posted by: Marin | 11/07/2009 at 05:25 AM